How to Respond When Someone Says ADHD Isn't Real

As an adult living with ADHD, you've likely encountered people who question the validity of your condition, you'll read comments on social media, you'll hear "experts" on absolutely everything in their opinion pieces who have perfectly zero knowledge make bold statements, based on what they feel. Now we've also got "celebrity" psychiatrists and doctors, who haven't contributed a single thing to the research space in decades tell us it's not real, it's all a scam. It can feel invalidating and make us question things, I've even had medical professionals tell me it probably wasn't real, thankfully, I'm now in much better hands.

Here's a perspective that might be helpful when faced with such situations:

The short answer: Don't bother

While it may be tempting to engage in a debate about the existence of ADHD, it's often not worth the effort.

1. Protect yourself: Engaging in arguments about ADHD's validity risks invalidating and questioning your own diagnosis and very real experiences. Your path to understanding and managing your ADHD is personal and valid, it may have taken most of your lifetime to finally know "why" you operated like this. Regardless of others' opinions, the only one that should matter is yours and that of the people closest to you and the professionals who help you with management matter. If you're genuinely unsure of your diagnosis, go to a suitably qualified ADHD-focused medical professional.
2. Conserve your energy: ADHD often comes with challenges in focus, energy preservation to get us through the day, we can have extreme emotions out of nowhere, someone telling you that ADHD isn't real, is a prime candidate for such a reaction. Debating skeptics can be simply draining and unproductive, stealing your energy and diminishing your ability to manage your symptoms effectively.‍
3. What's at stake?: You know that ADHD is real. Don't give cynics or "internet experts" the satisfaction of making you feel bad.

An opportunity to reflect

Rather than expending energy on debates, consider these moments as an opportunity to reflect on your self-care and management of your ADHD:

1. What don't I know yet?: Ask yourself, what don't I yet know or feel on top of managing ADHD yet?
2. Remember why you got diagnosed: Reflect on what led you to seek a diagnosis in the first place. ADHD diagnosis are not randomly given out to people. Your past and current experiences are valid and important, regardless of others' opinions, who cares what they think.
3. Consider what you need to develop: Reflect on where you are, are you settled as you feel you can be, do you need to consider developing strategies that help you manage your symptoms and play to your strengths. This practical approach is more beneficial than trying to convince skeptics.

If you feel you need support developing this understanding, ADHD coaching is one research backed way to better understand and manage your ADHD. An ADHD coach can help you develop strategies tailored to your unique needs and challenges, providing support as you navigate life with ADHD. Remember, your experiences are valid, and with the right support, you can thrive despite the scepticism of others.

The science supports you

While it's not your job to educate everyone, it can be reassuring to remember that there's overwhelming scientific evidence supporting ADHD as a real neurodevelopmental disorder, it's one of the most studied and understood neurological conditions, while science hasn't answered everything, the past twenty years have led to solid, repeatable and specific conclusions based on what we do know at this point:

• Check out the The World Federation of ADHD International Consensus Statement: 208 Evidence-based conclusions about the disorder ^[1]
• Countless studies have demonstrated, replicated and seen the differences in brain structure development, density during maturation and executive function in individuals with ADHD.
• The effectiveness of ADHD treatments, both pharmacological and behavioural, clearly supports its validity as a genuine condition.

When You Must Engage

If you find yourself in a situation where you feel compelled to respond, consider these approaches:

1. Share Your Personal Experience: Sometimes, a brief, honest account of how ADHD affects your life can be more impactful than a debate. Maybe have a go-to sentence prepared to explain ADHD to others.
2. Provide Reputable Resources: If the person seems genuinely curious rather than confrontational, you might direct them to reliable information sources.
3. Set Boundaries: It's okay to say, "I'm not comfortable discussing this further" and change the subject or walk away. Nobody has the right to demand answers or judge you.

Remember, it's not your responsibility to convince everyone of the validity of your diagnosis, but it can feel like a red rag to a bull when someone invalidates the condition.

Your energy is better spent on managing your ADHD and living your best life. By focusing on your own growth and well-being, perhaps through ADHD Coaching you're not just improving your life – you're quietly challenging misconceptions about ADHD in the most effective way possible, and at the same time, developing some resilience in holding back before firing, a core impairment of our different inhibition response systems.