Living with ADHD can feel like navigating a complex maze, it can feel hopeless, it can feel really high one day and down the next. I could add in a hundred more "it can feel" statements. Welcome to ADHD, where feelings and emotions can often "feel" overpowered and really hurt how we operate and talk to ourselves.
However, living this way without enough perspective, it's not uncommon to reach moments where you think you've finally gotten some control over an area, only for it to soon fall apart, derailed by an encounter, a new twist or turn or simply lost enough interest to sustain yourself. That's why, as an ADHD coach, I always emphasise the importance of becoming a student of your own brain.
At its core, ADHD is about how our brains perceive, absorb and manage information and how we activate to the future and control our responses. It can manifest in many ways broadly in your day-to-day life and doesn't just appear at random times, it's how your brain is wired, always.
This fundamental truth of ADHD impacts our ability to regulate thoughts, emotions, and actions, leading to the more visible symptoms we commonly associate with the condition. But we're often only all to aware of this, why can't we change despite trying all of the time, why don't we just do this or that, why, why and why. I suggest that the question we should ask of ourselves is not to beat ourselves up but ask: what don't we know?
Beyond the Diagnosis: what even does it mean to have ADHD?
What has really surprised me, although maybe it should not have as I was exactly the same, is that many people who have been diagnosed with ADHD, often for years, don't really understand what it is beyond their own challenges, which they also often cannot fully articulate, spot or understand. This is no foundation to build on.
Personally, this was my experience too, it was a decade into my own diagnosis when I finally engaged with ADHD in a new way and finally made the progress I'd craved for so long, after almost giving up believing I could change much. A crucial, maybe the single more crucial component was getting to understand what ADHD really is and what it does do me. I thought I already knew a lot, but honestly, my understanding was also pretty rudimentary, I knew bits and pieces but not nearly enough.
It's no wonder I kept chasing goals without much rationale, ending up over-committing too often and then burned out. What I thought was that I needed to solve the part when I went to far and was burned out. In reality, I needed to start looking at the very beginning and be able to honestly reflect and pause for thought as I went along, avoiding the part when things fall apart as much as is reasonable.
I see this pattern and lack of knowledge consistently on an almost daily basis now from others. It's quite puzzling to me in some ways, when you have hypertension, you know what that means and it's pretty easy to understand what it takes to control it. With ADHD, quite the opposite seems to be the case.
When it comes to ADHD, I'm not sure what the missing link seems to be from the point of diagnosis to leading to developing understanding. From my own experience, it seems as though a large proportion of people get this diagnosis, ADHD, and are left to figure it out for themselves, maybe with some medication to help along on the way, if we can tolerate it.
Medication, which I still take, will never provide you with knowledge, the knowledge you will need to acquire to move ahead. Sure, it can calm down the pace of how you usually tick and give you a clearer view of your day, but alone, this is usually only a "fix" for work hours. ADHD doesn't turn off at 5pm when work is over, even if your meds have for the day.
Lots of people come to me just wanting medication in the hope that a pill will do all the work. As the saying goes “pills don’t teach skills”. Knowledge is power, and the power about what you learn about ADHD will be the power to open up a new life to you.
- Dr Edward Hallowell
Authority on ADHD, medical practitioner and author of multiple authoritative books on the topic including the seminal Driven to Distraction.
Why Learn About Your ADHD?
Understanding your ADHD is like having a map of that maze. It doesn't make the challenges disappear, but it does make them easier to navigate. When you start to grasp how ADHD affects your brain, you begin to see your behaviours in a new light. What I notice with clients, is that learning about ADHD is a revelatory experience, likewise as it was for me when I was engaged from the other side as a client. Suddenly, patterns they have struggled with for years start to make sense in new ways. This understanding is the first step towards developing awareness, language and getting to new strategies that work with their unique brain wiring, not against it.
The Collaborative Journey: ADHD Coaching and Self-Discovery
As an ADHD coach, a significant part of my role is to guide clients in becoming students of their own ADHD so they can develop this awareness.
This process involves:
- Exploring how and where ADHD manifests in your daily life
- Identifying your unique strengths and challenges
- Providing information and resources to deepen your understanding
- Encouraging self-reflection and analysis
- Providing accountability and constant support as you work to develop new ways of acting
The goal isn't for me to give you all the answers. Instead, it's about empowering you to make your own discoveries and draw your own conclusions. After all, you're the only expert on your own life and experiences.
Recognising Your ADHD Patterns
One of the most powerful aspects of studying your ADHD is learning to spot your own patterns. Maybe you notice that you always lose interest on projects right before the finish line. Or perhaps you realise that certain environments make it easier for you to focus. Recognising these patterns isn't about judgement. It's about awareness. And awareness is the first step towards making changes, if that's what you choose to do.
From Understanding to Action
Learning about your ADHD isn't just an academic exercise, it also can be very accessible and many clients actually quite enjoy learning about it. It makes sense, ADHD means we are very much engaged by what we find interesting, learning about ADHD and mapping our own experiences to it, can be more than interesting. The real value comes when you start applying that knowledge to how you operate. As you deepen your understanding, you might find yourself:
- Communicating more effectively about your needs
- Exploring new strategies for managing tasks and time
- Feeling more self-compassion when facing challenges
- Making informed decisions about treatment options
- Not asking yourself questions such as "Where do I start and ADHD end" or "What if it's not ADHD after all, maybe it's just my personality".
Remember, there's no one-size-fits-all solution for managing ADHD. Despite plenty of providers offering services, I don't believe that there is simply some 10 step programme, a pre-made app, a Notion template or book full of hacks that's going to move you forward in any consistent and reliable way. What works for one person may not work for another. That's why becoming a student of your own ADHD is so crucial. You get to see where ADHD is showing up in ways you'd rather it did not.
ADHD is not a failure of adopting some productivity system or "trying harder". We'll need to build our own scaffolding and tools that suit how we operate around us, not following some explicit guide. ADHD Coaching, at it's core, is about facilitating this discovery and supporting you as you begin to implement change.
You Might Reconnect With Some Lost Magic
It's not all about "fixing" problems, through discovering more, you might also uncover some hidden strengths and needs that have been buried and neglected over the years. So acquiring knowledge helps build acceptance and tuning into your true self and what you need, while having much better capacity to trust in yourself as you start to map and experiment with new ways of operating.
For example, for me, it became clear that if I was not satisfying a strength of engaging with creative endeavours enough, I'm very prone to then get off track, end up in negative cycles of ruminations and feel the bad of ADHD until I do. So, I've learned to make sure to incorporate and satisfy this strength, which is enjoyable but had been neglected. It's also something I can do to help me snap out of the bad of ADHD when it does show up, being aware I need to be vigilant and spot myself going in the wrong direction. My ADHD has not gone away, but I feel a lot of the bad of it as I experienced life with it, suppressed and managed quite a lot. Medication never gave me this clarity, all is could do is help me through the process.
The Ongoing Journey
Becoming a student of your ADHD isn't an exercise in cramming a lot of knowledge in at once– it should continue to be part of the ongoing journey. Even after already learning so much about about ADHD myself, I still have moments where I understand something in a new way or something new entirely, and it can help shape refinements.
There is plenty of reputable information and sources freely available, you'll need to filter out the noise. But, I always make sure I keep the time to keep learning more, not just for my coaching practice, but for myself. Granted, for me this often means completing more courses and certificates, but you really don't need to go that far. When it comes to what I consume outside of formal training, I don't agree or relate to everything, even from sources I otherwise trust and are credible. But this is a good thing, it's important to find the balance and filter what makes the most sense for you. Again, no two people with ADHD are the same, and ADHD itself represents a vast spectrum of traits and impairments.
On this journey, every bit of understanding you gain is a step towards living well with ADHD. In my experience, those who commit to understanding their ADHD are often the ones who successfully build their own new ways to thrive, with a new perspective and outlook on ADHD and an evolved and less negative view of themselves.
With ADHD, by becoming a student of your brain, you're not just learning about a condition – you're understanding yourself and unlocking the potential to transform your relationship with your ADHD.
